NLP THURSDAY: Introduction & Coming To Our Senses

Neuro Linguistic Programming, or NLP, is a form of persuasion technique created by Richard Bandler and John Grinder in the early 1970′s. Bandler and Grinder were professionals in the area of psychotherapy and linguistics and were looking for a new method to treat their patients, a method grounded in the pragmatic application of certain concrete principles. NLP has grown into a system of techniques that, when applied correctly, deliver consistent and powerful results time and again. The power of NLP is that the system works regardless of the various peculiarities of the individual working it.

NLP evolved from the study of three areas of therapy: Gestalt therapy, Family Therapy, and Hypnosis. By taking elements from each of these areas, combining them, and discarding the parts that were not effective, the doctors began to witness amazing progress in their patients. Where patients before remained stuck in their personal blockades of emotional paralysis, NLP was giving them a solution that did not waste time and energy on complex theories. When applied correctly, NLP simply worked. It gave people a virtual recipe for success. And unlike a complicated French souffle, NLP was relatively easy to follow.

The primary “unit” of NLP is the “pattern.” A pattern is a set of thoughts and actions that when replicated in a pre-defined order, work to achieve a certain desired result. NLP patterns are always based on one of three basic elements: Visual (seeing), Auditory (hearing), and Kinesthetic (touching). By working with these powerful points of reference, it is possible to strongly influence the decision making process of others. The study of NLP can be applied to many areas of legal practice, ranging from the promotion of personal growth to the ultimate influence of the client, judge and jury.

Here is where it gets truly exciting for practicing attorneys. NLP gives the lawyer the power to influence others in ways usually relegated to science fiction and carnival hypnosis demonstrations. By understanding the foundation of our thoughts, feelings, and emotions, we can take certain actions to influence these emotions and thus influence the ultimate behavior of others. The implication of such influence is truly breathtaking.

In the next, “NLP Thursday,” we will examine the five primary patterns of NLP and see how they can be applied to the modern practice of law. Through the simple application of some basic principles, we will see how it becomes possible to determine how others will think, feel and ultimately, act.

Honesty, Expectations & Solid Ground

I met this morning with one of the first clients I signed up after starting my solo practice. This was our third in-person meeting and things went well. We talked about her medical treatment, how her life was progressing since her car accident, and some other things that were relevant to her case. Then came the question that I have found to be one of the most difficult, if not the most dangerous questions clients can ask.

“So, how are we gonna do?” The question takes many alternate forms, usually asked with hesitation as if coming from a child asking a parent if they can stay out past curfew. The question is difficult because it places me, the lawyer, in the role of expectation setter. There are few things more dangerous to a relationship, any relationship, than setting up expectations. It reminds me of the well-known advice of witness examination: never ask a question for which you do not already know the answer.

Obviously, there is no way I can know the answer to my client’s question. Without a doubt, my own expectations are high; I wouldn’t have taken her case if I didn’t think she had a good chance of success. And believe me, the words she wants to hear are sitting on my tongue prying open my mouth and trying to jump free.

“You have a great case.” “I cannot see us losing.” “Don’t worry about a thing.” And then there is my personal favorite, which I have lived to regret several times, “Everything is under control.”

The simple truth is that every client walks through my door with a life in turmoil. It doesn’t matter if it was a car accident with only minor injuries or a relative who is old enough to drink and old enough to drive, yet can’t seem to do one without the other. I know enough now that when a new client is sitting across from me they are unsure, they are usually angry, and whether they let you in on it or not, they are scared.

As their attorney, they are looking for you to make things better. Human instinct dictates that you are up to that task. Human ego convinces you of that fact. After all, as their attorney, I am the one being asked for help. And whether I admit it to myself or not, being asked for help is like a mild narcotic pushed into a vein. It just feels good.

My responsibility, I have learned, is to fight the instinct to say anything to make things okay right now. As much as I want my client to feel confident with their situation in my hands, I work hard to fight the urge to make our conversation easy, to do whatever it takes to bring forth a smile from this person who is paying me to do just that. It would be too easy to set the expectations sky-high and let my client walk out feeling as if everything, you guessed it, is under control.

In this battle between what is right and what is easy, experience has taught me that choosing what is easy is hardly ever right. There is no doubt I want my clients to like me. But even more so, I want my clients to respect me. When all is said and done, I believe people want you to tell them the truth.

My clients may not always walk out happy but they will never walk out unsure of where they stand. For people whose lives have been turned upside down, maybe it is enough right now just to be placed on steady ground.

Learning From a Baby How To Ask For Help

My brother, well actually his wife, had a baby last week. I spent Saturday helping my mom babysit. The situation got me thinking about a subject that comes up often for me as I work through the early stages of my solo practice. The subject is asking for help. I was looking at this one week old human being, who would be absolutely helpless without my mom and I there to assist, and it dawned on me how very quickly we lose our ability to ask others for help. The interesting thing is that as we grow, we don’t really ever lose the need for others to help us. We just no longer feel comfortable reaching out.

In my office Monday morning, faced with very real clients with very real problems, I thought about how they had put their faith and in a sense their lives in my hands. And, for a moment, I felt like that one week old baby must feel, with tons of things that just have to get done, and no real idea how or what to do.

“I’m a professional” I said to myself. And, forgetting that, I am getting paid real adult money to do the job. So one way or another, it is my responsibility to do the job right. And for that to happen, in most new situations, we need someone else to help us. Most of the time this comes in a book, or a speech, or some other impersonal method of communication where we can get the value of the information without making ourselves personally vulnerable to the person doing the teaching.

Why are people so afraid to admit to others that they simply don’t know something? In an arena as competitive as personal injury law, it takes a real moment of trust to ask another attorney, someone who would probably rather have your case than advise you on it, to help. Maybe I am just cynical and my take on human nature needs some spiritual rehabilitation. But there is some good news.

I have come to terms with the reality of my situation. There are some things that we know and some things that we don’t. There are very few things that we cannot learn. And when learned, there are very few things that we can not do well. This is the progression of pretty much any situation where we face the virgin landscape of an untested act. Perhaps this is what being human is all about.

As someone whom others have placed their faith in, I have made a commitment to embark on that journey, again and again if that’s what it takes. And staring at my nephew, five days old and helpless, in some way I think I may have it easy.

There are some things I have already learned how how to do.

Me & My Mac: Incommunicado No More

When I first heard the term “speech recognition,” technological fantasies danced in my head. I saw myself wearing a futuristic headset, leaning back in my desk chair and confidently speaking to my computer. Right before my eyes, those very same words scrolled across the screen to the rhythm of my voice. Memos, emails, personal diaries; even the Great American Novel were only days away from completion. It was a very nice dream, indeed.

Unfortunately, rarely is anticipation of a new technology met without disappointment of some sort. For years, speech recognition has been declared by many experts to be the “Holy Grail” of personal computing. Setting aside the health benefits of speaking rather than typing, the very idea of speaking to your machine, and your machine obediently responding seemed to make even the most mundane tasks an exercise in spiritual awakening. And yet, until very recently, even the best SR solutions simply did not live up to the hyperbole. As a Mac devotee, there seemed to be even less of a push for voice-related solutions.

For Windows users, Dragon Dictate Naturally Speaking by Nuance Inc. was the software of choice. Though offered in various editions, the program was said to achieve a 95% accuracy rate. At first, this sounds extremely high, almost perfect. Yet, when you are dealing with a subject such as language, where even a slight misspelling can mean the difference between understanding and nonsense, 95% simply is not good enough. On the Apple side, we had a program called MacListen, which also claimed a similar success rate, yet demonstrated a similar failure to meet expectations. It was not until 2007 that the reviews began to declare that Dragon had almost gotten it right, and that with practice and the right equipment, Windows users now had the dream program they were searching for. For us Mac folks, it seemed that our choice remained either speak and be misunderstood or simply continue to type. And then it happened.

From the most recent MacWorld, amidst the screaming announcements of Mac Book Airs and Time Capsules, the company responsible for Dragon Dictate announced that they had purchased MacListen, and would soon be releasing MacDictate for the Mac community. The release date right now is mid to late February. This is great news for those attorneys who want to take advantage of what speech recognition has to offer but would rather send smoke signals to Court than give up their macs.

Finally a company, already successful in the Windows arena, recognized the value in sharing their technology with those wishing to talk to their macs. From early reviews, it seems that the program is already a leap above what is currently offered for macs.

My hope is that other companies will look at Nuance and follow their lead. Sometimes doing the right thing, just because it is the right thing, is the right thing to do.

Client Communication: How Much is Too Much?

From the research I have done, including the reading of what seems like every relevant discourse on the subject, client communication seems to be pretty important. Perhaps because so much of my career is weighted in the “pre-solo” spectrum, most of my references lie in that environment. When I worked for my former firm, as one of many, actual client communication seemed to play a much less critical role.

Of course you needed to meet the client, convey to them why they should hire you and explain to them the journey they were about to embark upon. After that, there was a pretty specific protocol as to how many times a client should be called, by whom, and under what circumstances. There were always exceptions to the rules, but for the most part, work was done for the client rather than with the client and for the most part without the client’s ongoing awareness.

Now that I am a solo attorney, my perspective is changing rather quickly. I have developed my “Theory of Client Importance” which simply states that the less clients you have the more important each one becomes. When I signed up my first personal injury client, I would have been happy to have had them move in, join me for dinner and allow me the privilege of running their errands if that is what they desired. So much of my energy was spent wondering if they were happy with me, if they believed I was doing a good job, and given the opportunity, would they hire me again? As one client turned into two and two into a few more, my heightened awareness of each client’s satisfaction level seemed to even out, though the anxiety remained, and does so to this day.

Which leads back to the topic of client communication. As a solo, I have no buffer between me and my clients. I don’t have a partner or associate who I can casually ask to give someone a call and see what they need. In addition to this, I have given most of my early clients my cell phone number in an attempt to demonstrate that I would be there for them any time they needed me. And, believe me when I say that they have needed me, and at every time imaginable. I have yet to decide if this was a “rookie mistake” or just one of the facts of life of being a solo attorney.

Most of my time is fortunately now spent working on my client’s cases, debating with medical record clerks over the term, “timely” and doing my best to bring new clients through the door. Yet, the anxiety of not knowing the proper amount of client contact remains. I know there will come a time when concerns such as this will be “wistful memories of the early days” but for now they are very real, and at times very intrusive. In terms of keeping in touch with my clients, I have yet to figure out what work best.

Perhaps I’ll ask each one to email me once a week just to let me know I’m doing a great job.

NLP: The Technology of Human Communication

I have been studying NLP for several years now. NLP stands for Neuro Linguistic Programming. Though it may sound complex, the basic idea is that as individuals, what we believe is based on what our mind sees rather than what is actually in front of our eyes. Though far too simplistic a definition, NLP study allows one to learn how to effectively communicate, educate, and persuade others with incredible effect. The advantages that this has in the legal arena are obvious. As a trial attorney, I am constantly working to persuade an audience (client, judge, jury) to accept my point of view.

The following description of NLP and the law is from www.DesignedThinking.net, a web site devoted to the study of NLP and its application to lawyers.

“Lawyers are using Neurolinguistic Programming to present their cases to juror, with winning results. The thinking used to be that if a lawyer could present enough evidence in favor of his client, he would be able to win his case. Now most people realize this isn’t always true, as time and time again it’s the ability to tap into the jury’s emotional state that will influence their decision.

Twenty-five years ago a new science in the field of human behavior was born from the success of a therapist who could exert amazing influence over his clients. Since then the development of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP) has moved into the fields of human behavior, influencing, persuading and changing how people communicate with each other. Today, NLP is beginning to find a prominent role in our judicial system. Why communicate only with facts and reason when you can tap into the emotional state of jurors just as easily?

Whether choosing perspective jurors, influencing jurors’ decisions, or working with witnesses to overcome their fears on the witness stand, NLP is now one of the cutting edge tools in the field of judicial psychology.”

I have collected an extensive library of NLP titles and the interesting thing is that many of the works have words such as “magic,” “mind-control,” and “illusion” prominently displayed on the cover. Though easy to misinterpret, NLP is not an underhanded method to deceive others, nor is it a “witches brew” concocted to make others act against their will. NLP, rather, allows us to confront our own fears and debilitating illusions that hold us back. In addition, NLP gives us concrete methods by which to touch others and get them to see beyond the limitations of their preexisting beliefs in order to accept sometimes radically new ideas.

All of this is incredibly helpful in the world of legal practice. Ask others to value the importance of effective persuasion for attorneys and the responses will be overwhelmingly “very important.” In today’s competitive environment where every advantage helps, investigating NLP should be on every attorney’s priority list.

Just as we look to the most advanced technological solutions for our computers, phones and other machines to make our practice more effective, it is necessary to go even further. NLP, after all, has been called “the technology of human performance.” When about to stand to offer a closing argument on behalf of a family whose lives have been crushed by tragedy; when their very future hangs on the words you will choose to employ, the effective use of NLP technology can make all the difference.

The Butterfly Effect: The Joy of Consequence

I think people traditionally associate fear with things such as horror films, family illnesses, near-miss car accidents, and the occasional nightmare of falling. What may be scarier than these traditional examples is when real life is slowed down to a crawl, magnified like a frame in photoshop, and examined without a filter or special effects. What is possibly the most terrifying of all is when life is examined and it comes to our attention that, whether it has existed before or not, a safety net no longer exists.

This is the predicament I find myself in now that I have made the choice to go on my own, start a law firm, with one and only name on the door, mine, and leave my success or failure up to only one person, me. When I was with my former firm, a mid-size, extremely successful plaintiff’s litigation shop, it was easy to hide amongst the masses. Sure there was work to be done, but the hierarchy and unique flow-chart of positions and responsibilities made it quite difficult to screw up and be blamed for it. In fact, one could develop a false immunity to failure, a sort of superhero “force-field” that could take the most powerful screw up and send it on its way like a fastball turned into a Barry Bonds home run., steroid-aided or not.

Even the most conscientious worker developed a reliance on this safety net and, as such, it became much too easy to just get by, make the money that was offered, and watch year after year pass through with no real sense of accomplishment or growth. And the realization of this, I believe, was the first catalyst in my decision to make the move to going solo.

When those around you, their actions and their reactions to you, clearly are not affected by what you do, you slowly realize that you have little, if any, impact on your world. This is a sad state to find yourself in. When you realize that your paycheck is coming every Friday at 2 PM regardless of what you did or did not do the week leading up, you begin to lose any sense of cause and effect between you and the world around you. In the end, it becomes tempting to just not show up and see how many paychecks pile up on your desk before someone calls to see if you are okay.

It was when I found myself facing these unpleasant realities that I began to consider what it would be like to have my own law practice. It was, in a very real way, the idea of screwing up and having to pay the price for it that became very exciting to me. I certainly did not want nor did I plan to fail. Yet, it was the consideration that failure would now have a reasonable reaction from the world around me that made the work I did become more real, more important, more human.

So, now I am on my own. I do rise or fall on my work-product. I make decisions every day; react to situations every day and each decision and reaction has real consequences. For many, this may seem like “no big deal.” But to me, who for many years had lost the exhilaration of seeing one’s thoughts, feelings and actions matter, being able to fail and knowing there would be a price to pay is nothing short of paradise.